PJ

Anu kaya iniisip ng mokong na to? Haiiii.... Hirap talagang mainlove sa isang straight.... We met in my previous company... He is applying for a certain position and I am the clone of my boss... The eyes the mouth and the ears... I interviwed him very very briefly... Then we headed to the testing room for his exam...:-D Walang malisya pa nun. Masyado akong busy sa work ko nun kasi super all around ako... Idagdag mo pa ang nagwawalang boss kong babae na iisipin mong congresswoman ni satanas... :-D Nahire siya after ilang days ng assessment ng matalino kong boss. Kasabay nun umalis naman ako ng opis at bumalik after ng dalawang buwan... Of course nung bumalik ako. Wala lang din... Busy na naman... Kaw ba naman... Isang kahong malaking paper works datnan mo ewan ko na lang makapaglandi ka pa... Hahaha... Di kami masyado nag uusap kasi may syarili syang grupo meron din ako... Actaully nagkaausap lang lang kami pag meron akong kailangan sa department nila para sa billing... Dumating yung time na, nag offer ng condominium yung congresswoman... Sakto!! Kasama siya sa unit!! Kaya di na akp nag dalawang isip... Join na din ako!!! Malas lang di ko siya kasma sa room pero madlas ko siyang makitang nakahubad or nakaboxer... Yummy pero wala pa din... Mas inlove kasi ako kay roommate ko nun kaya di ko siya pansin.. Naging tropa tropa.. At kaasaran... Wala pa ding malisya... Nagresign ako... At nawala sa buhay ko si roommate... Madalas kaming magkita ng mga tropa pero may napansin ako... I think... CRUSH ko na si PJ!!!! Nagbirthday siya sinagot ko mga extensions ayun dun na nagsimula... Haiii.... Heto ngayon.... Katabi ko siya.. Haiii... Sarap halikan... Kaso di pwede... Sapakin ako nito... Hahahaha... Single man ako... Kuntento na ako sa kung anu man meron kami ngayon... FRIENDSHIP... Happy... :-D

dog days are over now

Six months.... Halos kalahating taon na ako ay isang single.... Am I happy?of course!!!! Masayang masaya ako!!!

the boy wonder

He is definety not a FAKE!!!!

Yan ang tumatak sa isip ko when Kenneth sent an sms to me.. To my surprise as son as i checked my email, sumagot na pala siya... First impression? He is cool, wity and Straight to the point. I cant imagine kasi na ang isang professional ay ma engaged sa pagmamasahi with sexcapades... Everyone has its own individuality, yun na lang ang naisip ko.

Siyempre building a raport sa isat-isa kamustahan, asking sa damage for the services and blah blah blah. We had some conversation while I'm heading to the airport to catch my Cebu flight for a 20 day training. It's a wrong move I guess that I sent him an email last night inquiring for his services (wrong move nga ba Boy SHiatsu?). He might think kasi na I am wasting his time and load eh hindi naman pala ako mag avail ng service. A common business principle ika nga. But i didnt felt na ganun.. I duno... I replied to his email and told him na I can say now that "I am very excited to meet him na"... hindi na a bit... very excited na! hahaha...

As soon as I got back mas mapapatunuyan ko na hindi ka nga fake.. Ill see you very soon Boy! :D

It ends tonight

Yes.. It definetley ends toinght..
i am fucking tired of all the things that he have done to me.

i feel so desperate. nagago ako.. nabola... nauto.. nagpaktanga..,

hurting words but true. i was like fucking old fag... paying jerks to love me...
am i? is this my fate? or just my choice?

i caught myself advising my friend on how to deal her breakup from his asshole BF...
i said this.. i said that... fuck myself!!!! i babbled things and ideas for her to buy in... some she tried to chew and digest.... but me? i puked it!!! i fucking puked it!!!

this is final.. i am tired... i would rather ne alone than to feel alone with someone. someone who after 17 months of being together.. i do not hear any good things about his personal life. yes. i allowed this jerk to this to me... this time i will not cry.. i will not fall on the bed of drastic emotions... i am stronger...
i am man enough now to face this... i lose the game.. but its okay...

i know it will be okay...

what's next?

It's been 6 months since the last time I updated this blog. A lot of things happend and a foreseen break-up is about to materialize. I always ask myself, "What happend dude?"... Simple question but... hard to answer.

I am confused. I am definitly confused on what is happening. When I found out that all of my speculations were true, I felt that something had changed. Before, I always receive messaages with the sweet notings and calls even he knows that I am in the office. I told him that whenever he wants to contact me, I can always find time to accommodate. I know that the "Hub", "Bhe" and likes issues are still existing. For sure that is the reason of the change. I ask him, "Is this working?" then as usual, I always receive a made face and his signature phrases, "Ikaw bahala ka..".

When we met a couple of weeks ago, I know there is something wrong. I remember, when we always "do it" I felt his passion and the hunger for "it". The last time there is none. It so happend that he implies to avoid doing "it". And here we goes with the paranoid mode. What if he misses he's new FUBU? Someone who can satisfy his sexual urges? Someone who is better in felatio and FA? For GOd's sake. Ayoko na. :(

When you least expect, the person that you love the most. You adored and protected, suddenly curses you because of reverse psychology thing? How would you react?
And he quote "Putang ina mo talaga, pakialemera ka talaga!" and "Putang ina mo sumagot ka!". I always get mad with this curses! As much as possible, I always control my temper. Temperance. But lately, I lost it. And it all happens again. Again and again..

I always remember the "fight and confrontation scene" at coffeeshop. The walkout momments. The mild sigawan momment. The sigawan momment via Text (thanks to sun). Wala lang. Nakaktuwa. We were like an ordinary teenage sweethearts who always had a fight because of misunderstanding and jealousy. Lost of communication and transparency, infedility. Lahat na. Yes... Lahat na ng pwede mong maisip! Damn!

Money is the root of all evil. This is true. The Holy Bible clearly said this. Money issue becomes a part of our monthly quarrel. I do sometimes question myself, "If this is all out of love, why does he is asking for money?" And the way he demands is as if owe something. Seemingly it is my obligation to send money whenever he needs it. A friend of mine told me, "Money shouldnt be part of the relationship. Specially same sex. It might create an impression to the "host" that he is being eaten. Literally, financially (of course!) and emotionally. He called it "tulong". I called it "sustento". An expense on my side, a gain on his. I find it funny seeing that he got a lot of new stuffs. New clothes, new accessories and likes. While me, saving money so I can support him. Hahaha... I am such an asshole.

Today, my phone was totaly wrecked! He is so free for the next 3 to 5 days texting, calling who ever Poncio Pilato he wants. Well no surprise. He can always do it. In my presence or none.

jealousy is the root of all

And he quote, "I am not jealous, I never been jealous, ngayon lang!!!!" ... Miguel Montenegro, You Changed My Life.....
So ironic isn't?

They say your relationship can be considered healthy and normal if once in a while you had a single misunderstanding or a fight to be exact. If makes your relationship more intimate and goes deeper.

This month is really heavy for us. We usually argue and fight for some petty things that in the end we agreed that those stuffs shouldnt be an issue at all. In the end, I ask myself, why I am feeling unsecure with him?

I am asking myself, is there something wrong with me? Am I too demanding for everything? Am I asking too much?

exciting night

After spending the whole day outside, we decided that he(my partner) will stay in our apartment. Though, my straight room mate was there. hahaha... Funny how we manage to pretend that we are just "friends". Well I just can't help it. We slept in a separate bed but holding our hands the whole night. Early at 5am, I was awaken by his kiss... While his eyes is looking to my room mate's bed.. hahaha... i love it... =)