what's next?

It's been 6 months since the last time I updated this blog. A lot of things happend and a foreseen break-up is about to materialize. I always ask myself, "What happend dude?"... Simple question but... hard to answer.

I am confused. I am definitly confused on what is happening. When I found out that all of my speculations were true, I felt that something had changed. Before, I always receive messaages with the sweet notings and calls even he knows that I am in the office. I told him that whenever he wants to contact me, I can always find time to accommodate. I know that the "Hub", "Bhe" and likes issues are still existing. For sure that is the reason of the change. I ask him, "Is this working?" then as usual, I always receive a made face and his signature phrases, "Ikaw bahala ka..".

When we met a couple of weeks ago, I know there is something wrong. I remember, when we always "do it" I felt his passion and the hunger for "it". The last time there is none. It so happend that he implies to avoid doing "it". And here we goes with the paranoid mode. What if he misses he's new FUBU? Someone who can satisfy his sexual urges? Someone who is better in felatio and FA? For GOd's sake. Ayoko na. :(

When you least expect, the person that you love the most. You adored and protected, suddenly curses you because of reverse psychology thing? How would you react?
And he quote "Putang ina mo talaga, pakialemera ka talaga!" and "Putang ina mo sumagot ka!". I always get mad with this curses! As much as possible, I always control my temper. Temperance. But lately, I lost it. And it all happens again. Again and again..

I always remember the "fight and confrontation scene" at coffeeshop. The walkout momments. The mild sigawan momment. The sigawan momment via Text (thanks to sun). Wala lang. Nakaktuwa. We were like an ordinary teenage sweethearts who always had a fight because of misunderstanding and jealousy. Lost of communication and transparency, infedility. Lahat na. Yes... Lahat na ng pwede mong maisip! Damn!

Money is the root of all evil. This is true. The Holy Bible clearly said this. Money issue becomes a part of our monthly quarrel. I do sometimes question myself, "If this is all out of love, why does he is asking for money?" And the way he demands is as if owe something. Seemingly it is my obligation to send money whenever he needs it. A friend of mine told me, "Money shouldnt be part of the relationship. Specially same sex. It might create an impression to the "host" that he is being eaten. Literally, financially (of course!) and emotionally. He called it "tulong". I called it "sustento". An expense on my side, a gain on his. I find it funny seeing that he got a lot of new stuffs. New clothes, new accessories and likes. While me, saving money so I can support him. Hahaha... I am such an asshole.

Today, my phone was totaly wrecked! He is so free for the next 3 to 5 days texting, calling who ever Poncio Pilato he wants. Well no surprise. He can always do it. In my presence or none.